“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to leave New York, Illinois and other points north where winter cold, wind, snow and some measure of enforced social responsibility for corporations and the super-rich are all unfortunate facts of life.
“Retired or about to retire? Sick of wicked weather and state government feigning interest in lifting up the poor, stabilizing the middle class, and creating shared prosperity through tax fairness and progressive economic development policies?
“Well, stop worrying, come to Florida and leave the rest to us! We won’t feign, so you’ll feel no pain. But uh, bring a car, because we don’t mess around with big government public transportation boondoggles here.
“Let the liberals and Democrats screech about improving quality of life and reducing pollution. This state government just wants you to keep your money, because it’s your money, not part of some scheme to make life better for other people or for future generations.
“Oh yeah, remember to bring enough money for things like home health care too, if you think you’ll ever need it. Because this government is all about personal responsibility, not taking your money to help some other needy old or disabled folks.
“And hey, if your kids or grandkids are struggling in places like New York City or Chicago, we’ve got a message for them too.
“Chronically unemployed or underemployed? Come to Florida for our job jamboree! If you’re not too picky, we’ll have you working in no time. Ignore liberals and Democrats whining about “living wages,” health insurance, paid sick days and other olden-days perks. Just concentrate on J-O-B-S, and you’ll be on the road to success.
“Whether it’s helping make magic at Disney or one of our countless other theme parks and tourism attractions, or being part of service teams that make our hotels, motels, restaurants and retail stores so successful, we virtually guarantee there’s a job waiting for you in sunny Florida.
“Speaking of sunny…you may have noticed, we haven’t had a single hurricane since I was first elected governor in 2010. Instead of heeding global warming warnings from science geeks, I’ve created my own kind of climate change.
“If you’re a multinational corporation seeking safer haven for stashing profits overseas and evading taxes, freedom from rules and regulations, paying poverty-level wages, offering workers few if any benefits …well then it’s time to call Jet Blue, because Florida is for you!
“Remember, we’re in the business of creating opportunity, not big government. Sure, last year we passed our biggest budget in history, almost $80 billion. Some may say that’s…well, big government.
“But forget size. Think about what we’ve accomplished.
“We’ve concentrated unilateral power over labor policy right here in Tallahassee. Some might call that big government overreach. But I say, by passing laws preventing local governments from passing ordinances diverting some of your profits to things like a higher minimum wage and paid sick-leave days – and by blocking union organizing – we’ve built a better government, regardless of size; better for you, the job creators.
“So come one, come all! I lift my glowing green lamp beside the golden door, lighting your way to new — not equal, no worries — opportunity.”
Daniel Tilson has a Boca Raton-based communications firm called Full Cup Media, specializing in online video and written content for non-profits, political candidates and organizations, and small businesses. Column courtesy of Context Florida.