Peter Schorsch
It’s the season of giving and a new study found that most people have a generous streak, but they’re more than willing to shelve their good nature if they feel like people are taking advantage of them.
“The notion that it’s always better to give than to receive is true per se, but we’d like to add one caveat: Give and show kindness within reason,” said Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of PsychTests.
“There is nothing wrong with being generous during the holidays, but that doesn’t mean you have to max out your credit cards to pay for gifts, work yourself to exhaustion cooking for and entertaining others, or abide by bad behavior on the part of family members.
“This is why more than half of the population are conditional givers: Most people are willing to be generous, but if you take advantage of their good nature, they will cut you off. The majority of givers will not tolerate someone who takes and takes but offers little in return.”
The study, which took responses from 10,000 people, split up givers into five categories ranging from “Straight-up Scrooges” to “Bona Fide Santas.”
Scrooges are the over-the-top villains of the holiday season: They are selfish loners who always put themselves first, and are hostile, domineering and aggressive. They also refuse to trust others or to compromise.
Thankfully the study found just 0.4 percent of the population fit this mold, with men and women pretty much an even split for this undesirable personality type.
That doesn’t mean everyone else was a great giver, however, as more than half the population falls into the “Tit for Tat Elf” category.
As the name implies, these elves give freely, but they expect something in return. It’s not always straight-up quid pro quo with tit-for-tatters – they may expect you to pay it forward to someone else after they do something nice for you, but no matter how the cookie crumbles they are keeping score.
Women were twice as likely as men to fall into this category, but they were even more likely to be “Bona Fide Santas.” Of the 25.5 percent of population falling into this category, three quarters are women.
Santas are the gold standard of givers. They are the first ones to come to someone’s aid when help is needed, but almost as if they have an omniscient view of whether those they help are naughty or nice, they innately know when someone is taking advantage of them.
People on the “naughty list” can earn their way back to the “good list,” but it takes some serious work. Bona Fide Santas are givers, not enablers.
Then comes the “Burned Gingerbread,” a category most people have been a member of at one time or another, even for just a little bit.
Burned Gingerbreads are givers that truly love helping others, but have put up some barriers around their altruistic tendencies after those they helped milked them one too many times.
These people, which make up 14.5 percent of the population, haven’t fully closed the door on their giving spirit, but those looking to snag a favor have to prove they’re trustworthy.
Finally, there’s “Softie Snowmen.” These are the givers you wish you could step in and stop because they give until it hurts, and then give some more.
They make up just 4 percent of the population, but they tend to get talked into donating their time, energy, and resources to friends and strangers alike. “No” simply isn’t in their vocabulary.
Snowmen don’t really get enjoyment out of giving, either, and tend to feel hurt and even resentful when others don’t show gratitude or don’t pay a kindness forward. Softie Snowmen abhor selfishness, but would greatly benefit from being kinder to themselves.
Want to assess your personality? Check out PsychTests’ website.
