Guest Author
Recently my incorrigible publisher, Peter Schorsch, made national news stopping a feel-good, pay-it-forward event at Starbucks. After several hundred people continued a chain of buying coffee drinks for the people behind them, Peter, a statewide troublemaker who never met a controversy he didn’t enjoy, said no and stopped it.
Imagine my surprise.
Part of Peter’s argument for why he left his home, got in his car and drove over to the St. Petersburg Starbucks was because those customers, in his estimation, were buying each other lattes out of guilt instead of kindness. They were going along with the crowd and someone had to stop the madness.
Thanks, Peter.
Let’s put aside the argument that people buying expensive coffee drinks don’t need good things done for them.
“If you can afford a $5 latte, Mr. Fancypants, you don’t need a freebie!”
“No one deserves praise for buying the Volvo behind him a frozen drink that has more calories than a Big Mac!”
OK, fine.
Let’s put aside the fact that this was a community event and people enjoyed participating or that when good deeds are encouraged anywhere, they often spread everywhere.
Peter’s concern is something I’ve heard a lot lately in response to another feel-good craze that drives curmudgeons crazy: the ice bucket challenge.
“Narcissists aren’t getting soaked because they’re good and kind – they want to brag about it!”
“They want to be part of the crowd! They post it on Facebook and peer pressure others to go along!”
“What happened to all the cute kitten videos?”
Yes, the outrage.
I didn’t realize we were living in a time when good deeds were so common and widespread that we could actually afford to judge the motivations behind them and put a stop to the ones we’ve deemed silly or frivolous.
Oh wait…that’s right, we don’t.
So here’s an idea. Stop focusing on why others perform acts of kindness. Intent doesn’t matter. When any kindness is shown, from trivial to magnificent, why someone did it should not be a concern. Not ever.
Here’s why.
A person’s behavior is what’s important, not what motivates them. People have all sorts of weird reasons for why they follow laws, why they do the right thing, why they are charitable and kind toward others.
Kids start out with a natural inclination to be selfish. They learn to share and play nice to avoid being punished. They want to please mom and dad. They want to be praised and maybe even rewarded with a treat.
As they grow, this trend continues.
We are taught in church that kindness is rewarded with God’s love. So we stop tripping the nerd down the hall.
Thousands of teenagers all over the country perform volunteer service hours, not out of the goodness of their hearts, but to qualify for college scholarships.
Quick Peter, get on that.
Adults are the same way. Perhaps they give to charity for a tax break. Maybe they speak out against injustice because they believe it’s a ticket to heaven.
I’m almost positive that’s why my mother let me live past the age of 16.
Corporate charity events are great publicity.
In the meantime, soup kitchens, foster care facilities, schools, and hospitals get some supplies and help they desperately need.
Maybe someone donated to ALS and dumped a bucket of ice over his head simply to join in the fun. Same with Starbucks participants.
In all of these instances, good sneaks into our day.
We all see what we want to see.
You look at a Facebook post and see bragging, others see inspiration and an idea they can implement themselves.
I see people modeling the behavior they seek in others.
Behavior. That’s what matters more than anything else.
Sanctimonious types post about “real” acts of kindness and “real” good deeds. Columns are written by people who think ALS is awful but seriously, there are more deserving diseases.
Human hearts, and wallets, open to more than one kind of charity. More than one kind deed. When we buy someone a cup of coffee or give money to a rare but horrific disease, we create a culture of kindness.
We teach our kids and each other that even small gestures can multiply and make the world a nicer place.
Sad events surround us, both globally and on a local level. Isn’t it great when a few go the other way?
Who cares why?
The next time you roll your eyes or get cynical, take that judgment and focus on yourself for a moment.
What motivates you? Did you smile first or after someone else started it? Are you driven by an unselfish regard for others — or do you want some free publicity for your blog?
Check yourself first, before you go after other hearts and minds.
While we build a world where every act of kindness is encouraged and accepted — and celebrated — your act of kindness can be to fix you.
And I promise to click “like” when you post about it on Facebook.
Catherine Durkin Robinson is a political advocate and organizer, living in Tampa. Column courtesy of Context Florida.
