Bob Driver: Why would any woman vote for Donald Trump?

“What is time? What is the meaning of life? Do you know the way to San Jose?” Along with those cosmic questions, many of us today are asking ourselves and the uncaring universe:

“Why would any woman in her right mind vote for Donald Trump?”

This topic arises because of Trump’s well-recorded and well-demonstrated contempt for women both as individuals and as a collective gender that constitutes at least half of the human race. Rather than repeat any of his sexist comments and activities here, I suggest you Google this piece: “18 Real Things Donald Trump Has Actually Said About Women.” It appeared in the Huffington Post about a year ago. Some of Trump’s other comments about women are not fit to appear in family newspapers such as this one.

So why would any woman consider voting for Trump? Many possible answers exist. All of them may be unveiled in coming years as election experts decipher the voting patterns of the fast-approaching Nov. 8 presidential election. For now, let’s just entertain several likely categories of Trump female voters. Here they are:

GROUP ONE

These are women who on their 10th birthday were led into underground brainwashing chambers and warned, “If you ever vote for any candidate other than a Republican, your teeth will turn gray, and you will be struck with plaque psoriasis!” Such women may have many redeeming qualities, including being able to think clearly about other issues. But on Election Day these hyper-indoctrinated women will always behave like political zombies.

GROUP TWO

These are women who grew up with fathers, brothers, employers, boyfriends and eventually husbands who regarded most women just as Donald Trump does, i.e., as pieces of garbage who, the moment they gain a pound or display a wrinkle, are to be tossed into the nearest trash bin. These unfortunate women have accepted that verdict. To them, feminism and equal opportunity beliefs are as foreign as speaking Urdu.

GROUP THREE

Hillary-Haters. On Nov. 8 voting places throughout our land will admit scads of women who will vote for Trump even while holding their noses at the thought of his occupying the White House. They will exhibit this conflicting behavior because their dislike and mistrust of Trump are exceeded only by their loathing of his opponent, Hillary Clinton.

Their reasons for feeling this way deserve a column, or a hundred of them, by persons much more qualified than I am to analyze the intricacies of same-gender animosity. However, you needn’t be a genius to assume that some women dislike Clinton because she chose not to shoot, or at least divorce, her husband back in the 1990s when he finally confessed to having an affair with a White House intern.

Instead, Hillary moved on to become a U.S. senator from New York and Barack Obama‘s secretary of state. This latter post gave her such jolly rewards as to have “Benghazi” and “Missing emails” engraved forever on her Wikipedia biography. Not to mention her current mortal combat with the delightful Donald Trump, whose extramarital high jinks rank right up there alongside Bill Clinton‘s dalliances.

GROUP FOUR

I picture these women as a special band of long-view, deep-thinking conservatives who remember the time when the Republican Party was valued and highly esteemed, even by many Democrats and independents. Members of this esteemed GOP gallery would include Robert A. Taft, Everett Dirksen, Howard Baker, Bob Dole, Bill Scranton and Margaret Chase Smith.

Group Four women plan to vote for Trump because they believe that his performance in the White House will so outrage the old-line GOP (and the nation) that conservatives will never again allow such a lowlife candidate to campaign for the presidency. This goal may be unattainable, but of such dreams is history sometimes made.

To conclude: Any one of several major voting blocs has the power to swing next month’s election. Leading the list are American women. They (and the rest of us) have one of two choices: an admittedly imperfect woman and an emotional and moral train-wreck of a man. Fellow citizens, step right up and place your bets.

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Bob Driver’s column “The Driver’s Seat” appears each Wednesday in the Tampa Bay Newspapers. His email address is [email protected].