Joe Henderson: A cow-deworming drug won’t help anyone combat COVID-19

Horese dewormer ivermectin is not an approved treatment for COVID-19.

You’re about to read an “Only In Florida” story for the ages, even by the high bar we set for such things.

It started when too many people in our state convinced themselves they know more about medicine than people who studied the topic for decades. You betcha they won’t take an FDA-approved vaccine against COVID-19.

But offer them a cow and horse deworming drug called Ivermectin, and they’re all in.

They risk becoming deathly sick or just plain dead because their cousin knew a guy whose uncle told him about something he heard on AM-radio talk that the vaccine will plant a microchip in your head to make you believe Anthony Fauci knows something.

Talk show know-it-alls from Fox (of course) like Laura Ingraham and Sean Hannity weighed in with their theories on why the government (read: Joe Biden) doesn’t want you to know about how wonderful Ivermectin can be.

Why? Oh, those people don’t need to back up their assertions with facts. Make it loud, scary, and find a villain. Voilà! It’s a formula for rating points.

So, now we have folks risk turning themselves into worm’s meat by stampeding to feed stories and clearing the shelves of the drug designed to help large animals avoid worms.

Sigh.

Well, these things have consequences, and this time it’s a doozy. According to Agriculture Commissioner Nikki Fried, the drug is sold out in Florida. The patients that really need the treatment — you know, cows and horses — will go without until stores can restock.

“Our feedstocks are out,” Fried said. “This is a product that is supposed to be used for animals, and so, of course, when the feedstock is out — whether it’s for cows or for horses — and our industry can’t get them, that’s a problem.”

We pause to reflect that Florida is the gift that keeps giving to late-night comedians and caustic wits everywhere. They want to know what we’re smoking down here.

There really is nothing funny about this, though.

As with most of these things, a shred of research suggested a small — repeat, SMALL — amount of the drug “inhibits the replication of (COVID-19)” in a test tube.

One day research may find ways to safely use the drug in the war against the virus, but it’s not this day.

Here’s why.

Class, behold a test tube. You can hold it in your hand. Scientists use these tubes to research important things because it helps them learn how to help people stay healthy.

Now, class, behold farmer Brown’s cow named Daisy. She’s a plump lass, weighing about 2,000 pounds. The drugs to treat her for worms pack a lot more punch because Daisy weighs a lot more than a test tube.

Yep. As the drugs flew off the shelves, people began ingesting stuff designed for a 2,000-pound cow (or horse).

Sure enough, many of those folks got sick, and some died.

That prompted the Food and Drug Administration to send a mooooving tweet that read: “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.”

I’ll add this: Seriously, y’all. There are FREE vaccines that will do a much better job of protecting you against the virus. Run (don’t walk) to your local pharmacy or doctor and let the professionals help you live longer and better.”

But, alas, I think that idea makes too much sense for the times in which we live.